How a boy becomes a man (and why today's boys are slower to become men)

With missing male rites of passage, today's boys do not have a clear delineation point of when they become men.  But what is it that makes a man?  Steve Harvey has said that responsibility makes a man.  It's the responsibility in bearing a load.  The load can be anything, but the ultimate load is ownership over a man's life and the people/family he is responsible for protecting.  But what does it take in order for a man to be able to take on the responsibility of that load?

The short answer is courage.  In the face of pain, failure, challenge, it takes courage to persevere.  When presented with difficulty, a man must look inside himself and find the inner gumption to push through adversity.  But what is adversity really?  Adversity is conflict.  Conflict is a situation where a man wants X, but there's something standing in his way from getting X.  If there was no conflict (whether the conflict be a person, an internal attitude, an external cultural norm, a physical barrier, or something else) - the man could obtain what he wanted.

The courage to fight in the face conflict is a crucial component of a man.  This courage is partially nature, and it's partially nurture.  This courage is built into men, and the courage is honed through grounded masculine role models.  The fuel for a man's courage is his aggression. It's aggression that gives a man his "get after it" attitude that lets him relentlessly pursue his goals.  The aggression on a subtle level that men often do not talk about is a knowledge that he will do whatever it takes to complete a task.  Lower level of aggression correlate to a lower likelihood of facing the metaphorical demons that a man might face.  When a man has to do something out of his comfort zone - whether it be approach a woman, confront a neighbor about a problem, or speak up at work - he calls on the aggression in his core to push through the pain.

Today's boys are raised in comfort with muted aggression.  In progressive circles, a boy's aggression is often trained out of him as aggression is considered an ugly part of being male.   This is not to say that boys should be fighting on playgrounds to resolve conflict, but boys should learn how to selectively use their aggression to resolve conflict in masculine, grounded ways.  When boys do not learn how to use their aggression to resolve conflict (via setting strong, immovable boundaries - that are potentially enforced via violence), boys do not develop aggression.

Without aggression, boys do not develop full courage.  Without courage, boys do not develop the ability to take full ownership of their lives.  Without the ability to take full ownership of their lives, they do not ever take 100% responsibility for their actions, and they are slow to become men - or never become men at all.  It is crucial for aggression to be honed during boyhood.  For men who grew up with muted aggression, it takes a lot of time and pain to undo years of bad habits and mindsets.

Aggression is built into males.  It is part of the male gift.  Aggression is a huge part of what turns a boy into a man.